Defying Gravity

It was nice to see today that the booty indentation on my comfy couch has almost returned to its original flat state. And if you've seen my butt - you know this is no small feat...

For the past month since my last post, I've been a passenger on a roller coaster of mixed emotions but have managed to practice the late MJ's Thriller and Beyonce's Single Ladies dance routines; established a schedule of visits to the gym; made regular plans with fellow unemployed friends; and dreamt about the options I have for my future career. It appears I've embraced unemployment.

One of my dream options was actually a result of a true nightmare in my simple life: The loss of my north star at the age of 9 to cancer.

A couple of weeks ago, while enduring yet another dip in my roller coaster ride, my dear friend, Tori, reminisced with me about my days of monetary success and all the stuff I was able to buy during those years.

Tori: But do you remember your response when I asked if you were happy?
I thought - is this some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy? I had said something silly about wanting to do something more fulfilling.
Tori: I remember you mentioning something about working with cancer patients.

It scares me even as I type. But there may be some excitement mixed in with that fear. How can I dedicate 3 years at this point in my life to pursuing this path? All the practical questions arise, what about our home? Our lifestyle? Money?

Last week, I was cleaning out some old boxes of photos and cards when I stumbled across my 2001 resolutions listed below:

#1: Join gym
#2: Work out at gym
#3: Be selective in who I give my heart to (Courtesy of cousin May)
#4: Relax more
#5: Call sister more
#6: Take a yoga class
#7: Volunteer at homeless shelter
#8: Take one class to advance towards Radiology Certification

I actually accomplished all but the last item of my resolutions. I was both shocked and ashamed that I had once assigned priority to this path and dismissed it. So, even though I'm 8 years late, I've registered for the initial classes to explore this field. Feels a bit like defying gravity - I hope I don't fall flat...

Organized Fun

One of my "getting my butt off the couch" inspirations was learning the dance choreography to Michael Jackson's, "Thriller". This way, when people ask, "What are you doing with your (unemployed) time off?" I can actually respond with something I'm proud of - regardless of how silly, and if I'm lucky - I may even get a smile from the friend that's asking. The dance really is just organized fun, isn't it? The term tends to sound like an oxymoron or nerdy for lack of a better word. Isn't fun a result of spontaneity or some coolness factor?

At the end of the season premiere of Weeds, Nancy Botwin is sitting at a mall courtyard in SoCal when outdoor speakers blast the loud tunes of Michael Franti and Spearhead’s infectious “Say Hey,” while a flash mob occurs.
Nancy: Hey what's going on?
Kid: Flash Mob
Nancy: Why?
Kid: Cuz' it's cool (with a duh attitude)



Incredibly fun! But someone spent a lot of time organizing this and the participants had to organize their days to ensure ample practice time to pull this off! This inspired me to search more on this "flash mob" phenomenon. And I love the concept of it, an act done with no particular reason other than entertainment for the participants and others who are simply bystanders experiencing it. Generously bringing about spontaneous smiles and laughter...

The below video encompasses my continued search for all things inspiring. I will revisit when I need a reminder to dance in all the places I visit (via feet and/or mind).

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

New Beginning

My neighbor and I were talking about throwing a sushi party the other day - as we've "talked" about doing this for months. Like running into an old friend at Bloomy's and "talking" about how great it'll be to catch up over coffee, yet weeks and then months pass and you never dial the newly entered digits in your cell.. Well, my neighbor declared: "I'm going to send an Evite!" You know what this meant? The dreaded, the reason why we just "talk". The Evite meant commitment, it meant we are really doing this - at a published time and date - and we were gonna let people know about it...scary territory - with no option to back out.

When I was in my 20's I always wanted a commitment (from the boys, yes...) But now in my 30's I find myself constantly shying away from this. From planning girls nights to even date nights with the husband. Is it from the fear that those I'm requesting a commitment from may reject me? Or am I so selfish that I prefer to have my options open? Or sadly, and I hope this is not the reason: Have I lost my passion? The 20 something version of me was filled with passion, life was about learning all things new, accepting a new challenge everyday. The 30 something version of me is actually quite boring. For instance, I have been unemployed (due to layoff) since April. I since celebrated my 33rd bday and went to Europe. It's now mid-June and I've found myself with idle hands since June 1st. Am I grieving the loss of work? That sounds ridiculous. I should be reveling in the fact that I'm not my friend that's gainfully employed but hates her boss, her job, her company and therefore her life. I should be taking this time to finally lose those 10-15lbs I hate seeing on the scale. I should be smiling every day because I'm not working. I should be taking advantage of this beautiful city. I should stop feeling sorry for myself. I should be...I should be...But yet, I've continued to marinate on the couch watching junk TV. It's time for a new beginning. And I'm writing this blog, so I'm not just "talking" about it with myself. This is a means to bring back my passion. I'm now obligated to myself for exploring old and new experiences, to inspire and to be inspired, and to ultimately get my butt off the couch.